Love is not always sunshine and butterflies. Every relationship has its set of ups and downs and every couple is faced with challenges and problems and goes through a struggle. We all know what kind of behaviors can easily ruin a relationship. And the aim of this article is to show you that there are certain behaviors that most people perceive as toxic are actually healthy.
Behaviors like fighting with your partner or spending time apart from them, or being occasionally attracted to others are perceived by most people as negative and detrimental to the trust and intimacy between partners and the happiness in the relationship.
However, this article explains that such behaviors are not toxic. In fact, they’re necessary ingredients for healthy, meaningful, and successful relationships.
In what follows there’s a list of 7 relationship behaviors that most people think are toxic, but, they’re actually healthy:
1. Not resolving every conflict in the relationship.
The American psychological researcher John Gottman who is best known for his work on relationships and marital stability explains that couples don’t need to talk about and resolve all of their problems.
Gottman carried out research on thousands of couples who were happily married, some of whom have been together for over 40 years. The research showed that most successful couples have unresolved problems.
On the other hand, he found that a great number of the unsuccessful couples insisted on resolving every issue since they believed there shouldn’t be any disagreements between them.
The reason why couples that don’t try to resolve every issue in the relationship are more successful than those who do is that they perceive conflict in a different way from the latter. They simply understand that there will always be some things that they don’t like about their partner and that they won’t always agree with each other.
They accept each other’s opinions and ideas and don’t let their disagreements affect their relationship. They also understand that when you try hard to resolve a conflict, you can sometimes create more problems than you can fix. Some issues are simply not worth fixing and therefore they should be better left unresolved.
2. Sharing your relationship problems with others.
Maybe many will disagree with this one, but talking about your relationship problems to your close friends and family members can actually help you see the problems from a more objective perspective. After all, they’re your best support system and they want the best for you.
Yet, if you decide to share your relationship problems with other people, make sure you can have an absolute trust in them. You don’t want anyone to use your relationship issues and secrets against you or your partner.
3. Being willing to hurt each other’s feelings.
Successful couples know that honesty is an essential ingredient for a healthy, meaningful relationship. This means that, here, we’re not talking about hurting your partner’s feelings on purpose.
Instead, this is about not being afraid to openly disagree with your partner about something or call them out on their behavior when they say or do something that hurts your feelings.
It’s about saying you need more time alone without blaming your partner and it’s about them respecting this without blaming you too. It’s about feeling free and comfortable to say what you really think about your partner’s opinions, attitudes, actions, or even physical appearance.
Partners in healthy, successful relationships openly express their opinions and feelings about everything, no matter how different these are from those of the other person or how difficult or painful this could be for them.
They know it’s always better to be honest with your partner, even if that means hurting them, than to lie to them just so that you make them feel good about themselves.
4. Being willing to break up.
It would be best when you wouldn’t have to think about things like this. But, if you’re in a relationship that makes you feel sad, upset, unfulfilled, empty, and alone, it’s the nest to end it. In this way, you’ll avoid creating stress and negative feelings in your life and protect your mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
5. Being attracted to others.
For the record, we’re not talking about lying or cheating your partner. After the honeymoon phase of the relationship is over, especially when you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s normal to start feeling attracted to someone outside the relationship.
Maybe it’s out of curiosity, maybe it’s just a physical attraction, or just a simple need to flirt and nothing more, but this is normal. Instead of feeling ashamed for what you’re feeling, you should be true to yourself and accept your feelings. After all, as long as you don’t do anything bad, feeling attracted to others won’t harm the relationship.
6. Spending time apart from your partner.
It may come as a surprise to you, but distance can strengthen your relationship. Spending a couple of weeks or a month away will give you the time to think about your problems and find solutions to them. If your relationship is going through a difficult time, this will give you enough space to think about whether or not you really want to stay in the relationship.
7. Accepting your partner’s flaws.
Because that’s what true love is about. True love is about accepting and cherishing your significant other for who they are. It’s being aware of all their imperfections and insecurities and having seen them at their worst, and still, loving and appreciating them.
After all, nobody is perfect, but everyone can change themselves if they want to be better for themselves and for others.
Riley Cooper is a professional writer who writes informative and creative articles on topics related to various fields of study. Written with love and enthusiasm, her articles inspire readers to broaden their knowledge of the world, think and get ready to act.