5 Behaviors You Need To Avoid To Build Lasting And Satisfying Relationships

We all want to feel that our relationship with the man/woman we love the most is special and not just some chance occurrence. And this seems fine. But this can turn into a big problem for those who think that their relationship is perfect just the way it is and that they and their partner don’t have to work at it.

But the truth is that there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Every couple, at one time or another, is faced with difficult challenges, problems, and disappointments.

A relationship can never be meaningful, happy, and long-lasting if both partners don’t invest an equal amount of time and effort in it; if both partners aren’t mindful of the way they treat each other; and if both partners aren’t willing to work to help each other solve their problems, both relationship and personal, to gain skills, and to nurture their relationship.

Working at a relationship doesn’t only involve displaying certain kinds of behaviors – it also involves avoiding the negative ones.

Because the truth is that we often show behaviors (unknowingly or deliberately) that make us and our partners grow apart and our love fade.

So, if you want to save yourself from this and also ensure you enjoy a satisfying, deep, and lasting relationship, make sure you avoid the following  behaviors:

1. Not putting effort in the relationship.

If you think that the love you and your partner feel for each other will grow on its own or that your relationship problems will magically disappear, kind of the way it happened to Cinderella, whose sad life was suddenly transformed by her prince, know that this will only make you grow apart and cause the relationship to break down.

What you need to understand is that a good, satisfying, long-lasting relationship comes from effort and from working through unavoidable differences. It’s wrong to think that if you need to work at your relationship, there is something seriously wrong with it or that you and your partner weren’t meant to be together.

Just as the well-known relationship researcher John Gottman says: “Every marriage demands an effort to keep it on the right track; there is a constant tension … between the forces that hold you together and those that can tear you apart.”

2. Mind reading.

Thinking something like, “We’re like one person,” or “My bae and I should know what each of us thinks, feels, and needs,” is not proof of how much you love and know each other. On the contrary, it’s a sign of low-effort.

Mind reading is not what couples that are in healthy, happy, successful relationships practice, but open and meaningful communication.

3. Agreeing on everything.

It’s impossible for you and your partner to share all of each other’s opinions, views, and expectations. You two may love each other truly and deeply, but that doesn’t mean that you two have the same opinions and attitudes towards your relationship and life in general.

What you need to understand is that you and your partner have different backgrounds. You were raised differently. You were taught different values. You have different educational qualifications and careers.

Therefore, there’ll be many situations where you won’t agree with each other’s opinions and choices, and that’s normal. Yet, instead of agreeing on everything or criticizing each other for your opinions, you need to discuss things openly and work together to find a solution to whatever is bothering you – a solution that will be the most reasonable and best for both of you.

4. Blaming your partner for your problems.

There’s no such thing as a perfect person. We all have weaknesses, insecurities, and fears. We’ve all made mistakes and done something that has hurt another person’s feelings.

Unfortunately, when couples are faced with a problem in their relationship, it’s very easy for both partners to blame the other person for it.

But the truth is that blaming your partner for everything that goes wrong in the relationship and always pointing out their mistakes and flaws is a sure sign that you’re avoiding to take responsibility for your own mistakes and bad behavior.

What you need to understand is that your relationship can never be healthy, harmonious, and satisfying unless both you and your partner are willing to admit your own mistakes.

5. Competing with your partner.

No matter what you and your partner’s educational qualifications and jobs are, you two are equal and you should treat each other as such.

Competitions about who is smarter, more talented, more successful, and more likable have no place in a healthy, meaningful, successful relationship.

If you want to enjoy exactly this type of relationship, you need to make sure you don’t try to equal or surpass your partner in every skill. Instead, you should support them and show interest in their life.

Inspired by the book Mindset: The New Psychology Of Success by Carol S. Dweck, one of the world’s leading researchers in the field of motivation and a Professor of Psychology at Stanford University.